happy new year! years are a very convenient excuse for summoning motivation to do any task, anything you want but simply never got around to, aren't they? it would be fascinating to see people talk about things they started on the first of january, even if they couldn't stay with it for whatever reason. the spike in gym memberships is common, i'm sure, but what else? books read, people talked to, rooms cleaned... i'm sure the list is endless. and i'm very happy to see it! love and passion flows, but motivation doesn't, and it's beautiful that there's an (arbitrary by design, but constant now) day where we all try to start something of our own; for our sakes.

beginnings are always filled with strife and confusion, by nature, and i hate it. i love knowing what i'm doing, why i'm doing anything (calculus is an example i always give: i didn't progress onto using derivatives correctly till i knew what it was; why would anyone explain why instantaneous rate of change was needed), and beginnings of anything lack the structure i so cherish and crave. when i created this blog, i didn't know if i would continue to write it (i hoped i would) or how frequently, or anything about the content. but we're here now! it's been almost three months, and i'm proud of where i've come so far. i've needed a writing output, and this has been perfect.

let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone,
let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown,
let us possess one world, each hath one, and is one...
 -john donne, the good-morrow

met a family friend recently, and he was asked the reason for an event he was planning to host. you don't need an occasion to do anything! inspirational. if the only thing stopping you is a reason to do so, why should it? i have a tendency to save things, as if having them for longer will ensure i make the most of it. but there's no need to min/max life. the time to cherish the small chocolate you've been saving is now, go for it :)

in tears she poured out words with a faint voice,
lamenting her sad woe, as when the swan
about to die sings a funereal dirge.
 -ovid, the story of picus and canens

i read about swan songs a while ago, and i find it a beautiful concept. i'm leaving, i'm finished, but i will make the end one to remember me by. beginnings may be fraught with confusion, and ends with sadness, but the next beginning will bring the joy of initiating again. just wait for the next year :)