sidebar: i'm tempted to start a word of the day with these rambles. it sounds fun.
i start my last semester of the degree today, and it makes me think about endings and goodbyes. whenever i think of them now, i recall an inkskinned post i can't find for the love of me, but to summarise it badly: it is often true that we will never know when goodbyes come and go. this just means, to me, that it is a gift to be given that information, and we try to make most of those opportunities when we have them.
this ramble has been delayed slightly, and i was swept up in the goodbyes occurring all around me. i remember reading a “shower thought” that said: you will never know the last time you pick your kids up
, and it's truly something that makes you cherish every single time you have the opportunity to. i love playing with some of my younger cousins, and i may just be another relative about which they'll have to be told: remember keval? you used to love playing with him!
, but i will have the times they giggled when i picked them up.
and just knowing that everything will end
we should not change our plan
when we begin again
and we begin again
-hozier, all things end
i've been part of a few conversations about the “futility”, for lack of a better word, of doing things even though they won't matter in the “big picture”. and as we march back down optimistic nihilism territory, i reach a sentiment i have pondered on for years, honing onto a perspective that aligns with my belief a la a newton-raphson algorithm iterating over an equation that almost certainly has a transcendental root, the closest i've got before i ran out of iteration capacity was simply: nothing does matter, and endings will occur, and goodbyes will always be painful. but we can't let that stop us from uttering another hello on hopeful lips.