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i've been thinking about this for a while, and i even wrote about it as more of a rant, but maybe i've stewed on it enough to be able to talk about it in a more refined manner. i'm watching a video about conformity in social media and books, and it mirrors my thought process in a sense. i've been frustrated by how everyone seemed to read the same books, and even though i was once a part of that crowd, as a means to be a part of the excitement, a part of everyone, it felt eventually a bit too monotonous. the disadvantage of appealing to everyone's tastes is that you regress towards the mean. please overfit your books, and the readers with the right amount of noise will find you perfect for them. i've leaned into my tastes and the weirdness of them, and i truly do love absurdity and surrealism in my art. what's art without some boundaries being pushed?

in the video, she talks about the hesitation to ‘try’ something new, to find, seek, discover, and instead the appeal of choosing what the masses have approved, and enable yourselves to get a decent, palatable, and risk-free experience. the one thing i have learned from finance is that there is no return without risk, and in that case, money is quite an important thing to risk. i don't believe a few hours of your time are too much to risk for a piece of art that may affect the way you view the world.

this optimisation problem can stick in your head, as a way of desiring to maximise your experience in the world. i want to achieve the most i can, have the most fun i can, live the most i can, and there's no better way to ruin all these goals than this thought process. there cannot be any enjoyment with this feel hovering like an omen, reminding you to enjoy experience live more more more. breathe, listen to the air flow, feel your arms and legs, and remember that we exist here. we're lucky to. (quite literally, do you know the probabilities?) imagine everything you've ever experienced, and know that most people will not have felt what you have, and that it is you here. trust yourself, nobody knows you better. what do you want to do tomorrow?