-richard siken, war of the foxes
the past few days have been drenched in goodbyes, and i'm not sure how i feel about them (which makes me writing this all the weirder, because i usually write what i feel, so i don't know what you're here to read). there's been a sort of bittersweet tinge, layered like rose glasses, over everything. when i started college, i was excited: to make new friends, to learn new things, and to live, and i think i've succeeded at all three. as i watched someone else walk away, who i don't know when, or if ever, i'll meet again in the future, i wondered about the way we make friends. i knew nobody here when i first walked in, and i was someone i had never been. three years later, it hurts to leave, because of everything you leave here, and of all the people you were lucky enough to wave to every day, and will never have that sort of regularity with.
i'm always trying to understand the world, and i've been thinking about happiness recently. there's a certain respect
associated with a peaceful happiness, what we may call contentment, and i've had conversations that have centered around it: it's not possible to always be happy, but it's certainly possible to (maybe almost) always be content. a certain quasi-moksh, you could say. and as someone who sometimes is, it's a beautiful feeling to be content with where you are in the world, and what you have done.
but, the kaam-moksh dichotomy always seems to perplex me. is there a way to be content, but carpe the diem, live for each and every moment as it is? can i be happier on a baseline, and yet let myself grow with the flow? increase my mean, and let myself vary upwards? if i ever figure this out, you'll have to start referring to me as the philosopher of this age. i just watched oliSUNvia's video about asking philosophy professors to define pseudo-intellectualism. i'm only referring to this today to paraphrase one of the professors, who said that one of the striking differences of pseudo-intellectualism from intellectualism is that you cannot call yourself a part of the latter, it is a title conferred onto you. so i won't call myself a philosopher, but i'll wait for you to.